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How to Not Screw Up Your 30s

2024-06-28 · Compilation of other people's clips · Ali, Matthew Hussey, Marie Forleo, Mark Manson, Alok Kanojia, Nir Eyal, Sahil Bloom, Dan Go, Chris Ducker, Noah Kagan, Eric Partaker, Daniel Priestley · recording, 36:31 · watch on YouTube

Topic: Goals, purpose and life design (also: Mindset, motivation and happiness, Relationships and personal life, Health, sleep and habits, Productivity and time, Work and career) · mode: Reflection and life update · tags: Family

For his 30th birthday Ali asks eleven friends and mentors, from Matthew Hussey to Daniel Priestley, what they wish they had known at 30, and turns each answer into a journaling prompt or action point: plan a family trip, schedule holidays, invest more in his health, write a letter to his 40-year-old self.

What is said

The parts of the video and what is said in each (★ — how much it matters to the video).

00:00:00 — Ali turns 30 and asks his mentors what they wish they had known at 30

  • ★★ Ali has recently turned 30 and, to celebrate, asked friends and mentors he has met over the last ten years what they wish they had known when they turned 30. — 00:00:00
  • ★★★ Ali wants to do well at work, have an impact and write more books, but says the personal side of life is far more important than work, so he takes advice from people who balance the two rather than from people fully in work mode. — 00:00:33
  • ★★★ Matthew Hussey wishes he had been told at 30 that the things he kept hiding, fearing they made him unattractive, unlikable or unlovable, were parts of him that needed compassion and acceptance, and that they do not define him. — 00:01:02

00:01:06 — Matthew Hussey on accepting hidden parts of yourself; Ali's desire to be liked and the word selfish

  • ★★★ Ali says life advice easily gives a little boost of motivation and dopamine, but unless it translates into action points it generally has little impact, so he turns each piece of advice in this video into an action point. — 00:01:35
  • ★★ Ali turns Matthew Hussey's advice into a journaling prompt: what parts of myself do I keep hidden, and what about me am I scared will make me less attractive, likable or lovable? — 00:01:35
  • ★★ Ali says one of his realisations of the last year or so is that he has a strong desire to be liked. — 00:02:20
  • ★★ Ali thinks he probably takes putting other people's wishes before his own preferences a little too far, because he is really scared of being called selfish. (hedged) — 00:02:49
  • ★★ Joe Hudson (quoted): Executive coach Joe Hudson told Ali that "selfish" is a word mainly used by parents to control their children's behaviour, meaning "you are doing something I don't want you to do". — 00:03:16
  • ★★ Ali's podcast conversation with executive coach Joe Hudson will be out soon. — 00:03:16
  • ★★ Ali says embracing selfishness, doing what you want, can often be quite empowering, though it is a balancing act. — 00:03:43
  • ★★ Ali has recently reread No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert Glover, a really good book despite its clickbaity title, which helps nice-guy men think about what they want rather than caretaking and managing other people's emotions. — 00:03:43

00:04:10 — A free quarterly alignment webinar on 30 June 2024

  • ★ Ali met Marie Forleo about five months ago in New York, where she took him to lunch and gave him a lot of business and life advice. — 00:04:39
  • ★★★ Marie Forleo advises that if you dream of a great holiday with your parents or older relatives, you should do it now, while everyone still has their health. — 00:04:39

00:04:56 — Marie Forleo: holidays with family now, a low-cost lifestyle, sunscreen

  • ★★★ Marie Forleo advises keeping a low-cost lifestyle: keep expenses low and raise earnings and savings, which she says pays off a million fold as you age. — 00:05:25
  • ★★ Marie Forleo's third piece of advice for your 30s is to wear sunscreen all over the body. — 00:05:25
  • ★ Ali wears sunscreen almost every day. — 00:05:54
  • ★★ As Ali has made more money over the years his lifestyle costs have also gone up, which is lifestyle inflation, so his action point is to remember to run the numbers. — 00:05:54
  • ★★ Ali's action point from Marie Forleo is to plan a family trip and add it to his relationship productivity system, which he is building in Notion with databases tracking whom he wants to take trips with and keep in touch with. — 00:06:23 · Notion
  • ★★ Ali says he will make a video about his relationship productivity system in Notion at some point; he has found it really helpful for being more intentional about relationships. — 00:06:52 · Notion

00:07:04 — Mark Manson: how little time you have; Ali's die-in-two-years prompt

  • ★★★ Mark Manson says that at 30 you start to appreciate how little time you have in life: at 20 opportunity feels infinite, but by your 30s a decade of adult life has shown you roughly what can be accomplished in a decade. — 00:07:22
  • ★★ Mark Manson says decisions take on greater weight as you get older: you have less time ahead and something to lose, such as a career, relationships, obligations, payroll and family, without the carefree luxury of youth. — 00:07:57
  • ★★ Ali still defers a lot: a trip with his mum and grandma gets put off because his calendar is full of work, and he says it is very easy to let work fill the calendar and think there will always be more time for family. — 00:08:50
  • ★★ Ali has started taking his health a lot more seriously this year (2024), at 30, because most people become less healthy at 30 than in their 20s and he wants to counteract that. — 00:09:00
  • ★★★ Ali's journaling prompt from Mark Manson's advice, one he used to think about a lot: if I knew I was going to die in two years, what would I do, and how would that change how I spend my time? — 00:09:28
  • ★★ When Ali last asked himself the die-in-two-years question, a few years ago, he concluded he would play more video games, especially single-player role-playing games, his favourite type, having believed they were a waste of time; he is now playing Horizon Forbidden West on PS5. — 00:09:28
  • ★★ The die-in-two-years question also led Ali to conclude he would read more fiction, and since then he has been reading more fiction. — 00:09:55

00:10:31 — Alok Kanojia: make bad decisions, stop living up to others' expectations

  • ★★ Ali got to know Alok Kanojia about a year ago in Austin; they became online Zoom friends, and Alok gave him coaching sessions that helped him work through things he was struggling with last year (2023). — 00:10:31
  • ★★★ Alok Kanojia wishes he had known at 30 how important it is to make bad decisions: some of his best decisions were bad ones, such as marrying very early, having two kids during residency and walking away from great job offers. — 00:11:00
  • ★★ Alok Kanojia says we spend the first three decades of life living up to other people's expectations, and after 30 it is time to stop, re-evaluate what you want from life and start moving towards it. — 00:11:29
  • ★★ Ali says living up to other people's expectations was probably true of him for at least his first 25 years, and probably of the last five as well. (hedged) — 00:11:29
  • ★★ Ali's journaling prompts from Alok Kanojia's advice: what would I like to do if I didn't care at all what others think, and what bad decisions could I make that I'd probably be grateful for? — 00:11:29
  • ★★ If he did not care what others think, Ali would probably try living in a van for a bit, which he has wanted to do for a few years; nothing stops him doing it for a week in London. (hedged) — 00:12:16 · London
  • ★★ Ali really loves Nir Eyal's book Indistractable, which helped him focus better. — 00:12:45
  • ★★ Nir Eyal invited Ali to a writers' retreat at his house in New York, and over the years advised him by email and Zoom on writing, publishing and marketing his book Feel-Good Productivity. — 00:12:45 · Feel-Good Productivity (book)

00:12:55 — Nir Eyal: have kids as soon as possible; fertility testing

  • ★★★ Nir Eyal advises that once you have found the person you want as the father or mother of your children, you should not wait: have kids as quickly as possible, and as many as you can, because they bring so much joy. — 00:13:28
  • ★★ Having kids as soon as possible, and plenty of them, was on Ali's own list of bad decisions he would be grateful for, since many people would advise against it. — 00:13:57
  • ★★ Until he gets married, Ali takes fertility testing as an action point: a friend who struggled for five years to have kids said testing when they first got together would have let them act earlier, and it is easy to do before marriage. — 00:14:37
  • ★★ Ali admires Sahil Bloom for massively prioritising his family, often at the expense of his work, which Ali thinks is the right thing to do. — 00:15:07

00:15:25 — Sahil Bloom: game selection over game access; the best things in life are not free

  • ★★★ Sahil Bloom says that after 30 game selection matters more than game access: your 20s are about access to as many games as possible, your 30s about being very deliberate in the games you say yes to, because energy and attention are finite. — 00:15:53

    “game selection is now more important than game access”

  • ★★ Sahil Bloom says probably his biggest mistake in his early 30s was not making that transition: he kept saying yes to too many games, and it led him astray. (hedged) — 00:17:20

  • ★★★ Sahil Bloom says the best things in life are not free but extraordinarily expensive: they cannot be bought with money and have to be earned through effort, daily consistency and discipline. — 00:17:49
  • ★★ Derek Sivers (quoted): Derek Sivers's advice, as Ali recalls it: early in your career, say yes to everything; once too many opportunities come your way, it is either a hell yes or a no thank you. — 00:19:12 · Derek Sivers, hell yeah or no
  • ★★ Since his book Feel-Good Productivity came out and did well, Ali is invited to give many talks and finds it very easy to start saying yes to too much. — 00:19:36 · Feel-Good Productivity (book)
  • ★★ Ali's journaling prompts from Sahil Bloom's advice: what games do I really want to be playing in my 30s, and which areas should I increase or decrease my investment of time and effort in? — 00:19:36
  • ★★ Some of Ali's work projects have far greater potential for impact, money and fun than others, so there are probably parts of his business to put less time into and others to put more into, moving out of one phase of work into another. (hedged) — 00:20:09
  • ★★ Dan Go, Ali's fitness coach, lives in Canada and has never met Ali in person; in three days (1 July 2024) he comes to stay at Ali's house in London for a few days. — 00:20:56 · London

00:20:57 — Dan Go: no greater return than getting your body in shape

  • ★★★ Dan Go says there is no greater return on investment than getting your body in shape: getting out in nature, exercise, cardio and healthy food have a tremendous impact on both body and brain. — 00:21:24
  • ★★ At a Productivity Lab session the day before (27 June 2024), Ali's journaling prompt asked what it would look like to triple the time, effort and money spent on health; as a result many members hired personal trainers or joined gyms and exercise classes. — 00:21:52
  • ★★ Every person older than Ali he knows has said they wish they had taken more care of their health, so he already uses personal trainers, gyms and a healthy, macro-rich meal delivery. — 00:22:36
  • ★★★ Ali's journaling prompt from Dan Go's advice: what would it look like if I had to triple the time and money I invest in my health? — 00:23:06
  • ★★ Tripling his investment in health, Ali would probably walk more, as he does not get 10,000 steps a day at his computer, and raise his personal training sessions from three a week to four, five or even six, including mobility and flexibility. (hedged) — 00:23:06
  • ★ Chris Ducker, an entrepreneur and author in his 50s, became Ali's friend after appearing on his podcast, and they are in the same men's mastermind group. — 00:23:37

00:23:46 — Chris Ducker: learn to switch off and recharge; scheduling holidays

  • ★★★ Chris Ducker says learning to switch off, recharge, reset and recalibrate your mental and physical bandwidth would have made his 30s a lot less stressful, probably more profitable and far more enjoyable. — 00:24:04
  • ★★ Ali does not schedule enough time to recharge: he has enough week to week, but doing little forward planning of months, quarters and years, he takes too few holidays and too little time to switch off from work. — 00:25:02
  • ★★ Brendon Burchard (quoted): Brendon Burchard advised Ali to schedule the year's holidays and trips with family, wife and kids in advance at the start of the year, because a blank calendar fills with work commitments by default. — 00:25:29
  • ★★ Ali's action point is to deliberately carve out time in the next 12 months for rest, recharging and holidays. — 00:25:56

00:26:18 — Noah Kagan: life gets better, simple birthdays, write where you want to be at 40, skincare, enjoy it

  • ★★ Noah Kagan hosted Ali at his house in Austin for a month while Ali was there last year (2023). — 00:26:26 · Noah Kagan
  • ★★ Noah Kagan says life keeps getting better with age: 30 is better than 20, and 40 better still. — 00:26:55 · Noah Kagan
  • ★★ Noah Kagan thinks decade birthdays are overhyped: the best birthday is simply spent with close friends, or quality time with your parents over a nice meal or camping. — 00:27:25 · Noah Kagan
  • ★★★ Noah Kagan advises writing out where you think and want to be at 40, which he says will surprise you and give you direction. — 00:27:54 · Noah Kagan
  • ★★ Noah Kagan advises keeping up whatever is working for you now, in health, business, YouTube, friends, relationships and where you live, for another ten years. — 00:27:54 · Noah Kagan
  • ★★ Noah Kagan advises starting skincare now, with facials, lotions and sunblock, to be grateful for it at 40, 50 and 60. — 00:28:52 · Noah Kagan
  • ★★ Noah Kagan's last advice is to enjoy it all: the things you have worked on, the people you work with, the places you are, the food, and the journey. — 00:29:21 · Noah Kagan
  • ★★ After this video Ali is going to write a letter to his 40-year-old self, to look back on ten years from now. — 00:29:50
  • ★★ Ali says almost every aspect of his life is working right now, so if he just kept doing it for another ten years things would probably keep working. — 00:29:50
  • ★★ Ali keeps up his moisturiser and sun cream, but ran out of retinoid deliveries and has been off it for a few months, so getting back on his retinoid is an action point. — 00:29:50

00:30:37 — Eric Partaker: you don't need everything figured out; find the 80/20

  • ★★ Eric Partaker, Ali's current CEO coach, has worked with him for over two years, since interviewing Ali on his podcast, and has really helped Ali, the business and Angus, Ali's general manager. — 00:30:37 · Angus (general manager)
  • ★★★ Eric Partaker wishes he had been told at 30 that he did not have to have everything figured out or know exactly what he wanted to do. — 00:30:37
  • ★★ Eric Partaker: Since 30 Eric Partaker has gone from consultant to helping build Skype, building a restaurant chain, becoming a LinkedIn influencer, starting an investment company and now building an ed-tech company. — 00:31:06
  • ★★★ Eric Partaker advises focusing on the 20% of things in your job, role or industry that could create 80% of the results and doubling down on them: finding the leverage is the secret. — 00:31:35 · 80/20 rule
  • ★★ Ali's journaling prompt from Eric Partaker's advice: what is the 20% in work, health and relationships that drives 80% of the positive outcomes? — 00:32:05 · 80/20 rule

00:32:39 — Daniel Priestley: a new chapter, foundations at 30, use it or lose it; sign-off

  • ★★ Daniel Priestley calls turning 30 a new chapter: the 20s are for workshopping life, when mistakes are pretty recoverable, but the game changes at 30. — 00:33:08
  • ★★★ Daniel Priestley says the foundations you lay at 30 dictate your quality of life at 40: small investments at 30 pay off big by the time you are 40. — 00:33:57
  • ★★★ Daniel Priestley advises getting in the gym and staying there: after 30 fitness is use it or lose it. — 00:34:56

Threads in this video

Where the stories that moved here went next

Mentioned

People: Alok Kanojia · Angus (general manager) · Brendon Burchard · Chris Ducker · Dan Go · Daniel Priestley · Derek Sivers · Eric Partaker · Joe Hudson · John Lennon · Marie Forleo · Mark Manson · Matthew Hussey · Nir Eyal · Noah Kagan · Robert Glover · Sahil Bloom

Projects: Productivity Lab · Sunday Snippets

Works: Everything Is Figureoutable · Feel-Good Productivity (book) · Hooked · Indistractable · Million Dollar Weekend · Models · No More Mr Nice Guy · The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

Organizations: Healthy Gamer GG

Concepts: 10,000 steps a day · 80/20 rule · hell yeah or no · lifestyle inflation · retinoid

Places: Austin · Canada · London · New York

Products: Horizon Forbidden West · Notion · PlayStation 5 · Skype

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