15 Books To Read to Change Your Life

2022-01-07 · Long video (solo, talking head or whiteboard) · Ali · recording, 23:18 · watch on YouTube

Topic: Books and reading (also: Productivity and time, Relationships and personal life, Work and career, Money and investing, Mindset, motivation and happiness, Business and entrepreneurship) · mode: Review and recommendation · tags: Lesson from a book, Sponsor segment present

Ali rounds up 15 books he read in 2021: ten for his personal life (Four Thousand Weeks, Unconditional Parenting, Models, Never Split the Difference, Die With Zero, Happy Sexy Millionaire, Can't Hurt Me, Educated, How to Not Die Alone, The Millionaire Fastlane) and five for his business (Traction, It Doesn't Have to Be Crazy at Work, The Great CEO Within, The New One Minute Manager, The Four Obsessions of an Extraordinary Executive), plus Brandon Sanderson's fiction.

What is said

The parts of the video and what is said in each (★ — how much it matters to the video).

00:00:00 — Intro: 15 books from 2021, ten personal and five for the business

★★ Ali rounds up 15 books he read in 2021 that had an impact on him: ten on his personal life, from dating and relationships to mindset and productivity, and five on his business. — 00:00:00

00:00:20 — Four Thousand Weeks by Oliver Burkeman

★★ Oliver Burkeman (quoted): Oliver Burkeman's Four Thousand Weeks takes a philosophical approach to time management: life is finite, so how we choose to use our small time on earth really matters. — 00:00:29 · time management
★★ Oliver Burkeman (quoted): Against productivity gurus who say you can do everything with a well-managed to-do list, Four Thousand Weeks says to accept that we will never make time for everything we want to do, and be okay with that. — 00:00:29
★★ Ali's takeaway from Four Thousand Weeks is to be kinder to himself about productivity: if he does not get everything done in a day or does not reply to emails and WhatsApp messages, that is okay. — 00:00:58
★★ Ali is interviewing Oliver Burkeman, author of Four Thousand Weeks, on his Deep Dive podcast. — 00:00:58 · Deep Dive
★★ Ali recommends Unconditional Parenting to parents and non-parents alike: anyone who was once a child will find it interesting to hear the evidence on these parenting practices. — 00:01:27

00:01:32 — Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn

★★ Alfie Kohn (quoted): In Unconditional Parenting, child psychologist Alfie Kohn describes conditional parenting, where children feel loved for what they do rather than who they are, and calls praise problematic. — 00:01:56
★★ Alfie Kohn (quoted): Unconditional Parenting says punishment and rewards are bad too, argues for loving children without strings attached, and questions treating children as extensions of their parents with no autonomy or rights. — 00:02:26
★ Unconditional Parenting has not changed how Ali approaches his life yet, though he says it will be interesting when he hopefully becomes a parent. — 00:02:26

00:03:05 — Models by Mark Manson

★★ Mark Manson (quoted): Mark Manson's Models, from his time as a dating coach for men, teaches attracting women through honesty: become the sort of person a good person would be attracted to, by working on yourself and being authentic, open and vulnerable. — 00:03:53
★★★ Ali says that in the past he felt he had to change himself on dates and in relationships into a caricature of an alpha male; he has come round to being his authentic, open, vulnerable and honest self as by far the better approach. — 00:04:22
★★ Ali recommends Mark Manson's Models to men looking for a life partner; for anyone else he finds it still interesting. — 00:04:46

00:04:58 — Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss

★★ Chris Voss (quoted): In Never Split the Difference, former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss treats many conversations in life as negotiations and says the best way to negotiate is to recognise that people decide emotionally rather than logically, and appeal to their emotions. — 00:05:15
★★ Chris Voss (quoted): Never Split the Difference teaches counterintuitive negotiating tactics such as mirroring and calculated empathy, and getting people to say no rather than yes, because it makes them feel more comfortable. — 00:05:45
★★ Ali has listened to Never Split the Difference twice on Audible, gets more insights each time and will reread it. — 00:05:45 · Audible
★★ Bill Perkins (quoted): The central idea of Bill Perkins's Die With Zero is to aim to die with zero in the bank: dying with anything more means we have done something wrong. — 00:06:14
★★ Ali says Die With Zero has changed the way he thinks about money. — 00:06:14

00:06:15 — Die With Zero by Bill Perkins

★★ Bill Perkins (quoted): Die With Zero's core model: we convert life energy into money by working a job, then convert that money into fulfilling experiences with friends and family. — 00:06:43
★★★ Bill Perkins (quoted): Since money has no benefit once you are dead, Die With Zero argues against making loads of money and waiting until retirement, when our bodies are breaking down, to spend and enjoy it: enjoy life as you go. — 00:07:12
★★ Ali likes Die With Zero's message of journey before destination: saving for a rainy day, investing and working hard for later rewards have value, but must be balanced with enjoying ourselves now. — 00:07:41 · journey before destination
★★ Bill Perkins (quoted): Die With Zero's chapter on children says to give them money while you are alive and they are in their 20s or 30s, when they can use it for a house deposit or a first car, rather than as an inheritance in their 50s or 60s. — 00:08:11
★ Ali says the average age of inheritance in America is about 60-something. — 00:08:11 · United States
★★ Bill Perkins (quoted): Die With Zero says to give to charity now, since charities need the money now and people are dying who could benefit, rather than deciding to donate on your deathbed. — 00:08:40
★★ Ali says he is a save-for-a-rainy-day person who does not like spending money and fears ending up broke and homeless, though with the channel and business going well he is way beyond having enough. — 00:09:09
★★★ Ali learned from Die With Zero to be more okay with enjoying life with friends and family, rather than feeling he must work at 120 miles per hour every day to make even more money. — 00:09:09
★ Steven Bartlett, author of Happy Sexy Millionaire, interviewed Ali on his podcast. — 00:09:38

00:09:41 — Happy Sexy Millionaire by Steven Bartlett

★★ Steven Bartlett (quoted): On the back of Happy Sexy Millionaire, Steven Bartlett writes that by 25 he was a multimillionaire with a business worth over $300 million, and in achieving everything he set out to, learned he was wrong about almost everything. — 00:10:07
★★ Steven Bartlett (quoted): Happy Sexy Millionaire says never to trade your happiness for a career, money, external validation, popularity or status: the ultimate goal is happiness. — 00:10:37
★★ Steven Bartlett (quoted): Towards the end of Happy Sexy Millionaire, Steven Bartlett counts 112 waking hours a week as 112 chips, each hour one to play, as at a poker table. — 00:10:37
★★ Thinking of time as 112 chips has helped Ali be a little more intentional with how he spends his time. — 00:11:06

00:11:19 — Can't Hurt Me by David Goggins

★★ Having seen only parodies of David Goggins, Ali listened to the Can't Hurt Me audiobook and was very inspired by his story of a childhood of poverty, physical abuse and racism. — 00:11:35
★★ David Goggins (quoted): David Goggins's memoir Can't Hurt Me says we can achieve anything if we want it enough: the more we push through and embrace pain, the more likely we are to succeed. — 00:12:04
★★ Ali does not quite agree with Can't Hurt Me's message of suffering now: he is less about the suffering narrative and, by his own account, kind of soft, though he found the book really inspiring. — 00:12:04
★★ Ali calls Tara Westover's memoir Educated really interesting, though not a self-help book with practical takeaways: the story of a girl from a Mormon family preparing for the end of days who ends up at school and university. — 00:12:34

00:12:37 — Educated by Tara Westover

★★★ Ali says How to Not Die Alone single-handedly transformed his love life and changed the way he approaches dating and relationships. — 00:13:32

“this book has single-handedly transformed my love life”

00:13:33 — How to Not Die Alone

00:13:53 — The Millionaire Fastlane by MJ DeMarco

★★ Despite its clickbaity title, Ali calls The Millionaire Fastlane probably the best book he has read on growing wealth and getting rich by building a business. (hedged) — 00:14:02
★★ MJ DeMarco (quoted): In The Millionaire Fastlane, MJ DeMarco contrasts the slow lane to wealth (college, a good job, saving, a house and stocks, rich at 65) with the fast lane: a business that works for you, which can make you quite rich within five to ten years. — 00:14:31
★★★ Ali and his team came across Gino Wickman's Traction about six months earlier, and it has completely changed the game for their business. — 00:14:31

00:14:45 — Traction by Gino Wickman

★★ A year earlier Ali's team had three and a half members, with Elizabeth part-time; small enough to get things done despite the chaos, but once they hired more people they found they did not know how to run a business. — 00:15:00 · Elizabeth
★★ Gino Wickman (quoted): Traction lays out a practical, systematic, step-by-step way of running a business in terms of six key structures. — 00:15:45
★★ Ali's business works with one of Traction's official coaches, who charges about $2,500 a day and offers a money-back guarantee; Ali calls the coaching really good. — 00:15:45
★★★ Ali recommends Traction to anyone he knows whose business has more than about three employees or team members, because he thinks it will transform how they think about it. — 00:16:14
★★ Ali's only problem with Traction is that it is a rigid, hierarchical and very pro-metrics way of running a business, which he says is fine because it works. — 00:16:14

00:16:33 — It Doesn't Have to Be Crazy at Work

★★ Jason Fried (quoted): It Doesn't Have to Be Crazy at Work, by Basecamp's Jason Fried and David Heinemeier Hansson, says your business is not your life: hustling and stupid hours are nonsense, and you can do a lot of good work in 40 hours a week rather than 80. — 00:16:44
★★★ Ali wants his business to be less about metrics, targets, KPIs and growing every year, and more about building a cool lifestyle and helping people while being profitable and having fun. — 00:17:13
★★★ Ali's business tries a middle ground between Traction's hierarchical, systematic approach, which helps with accountability and clarity for team members, and remembering that it is just a job, nobody's life except perhaps his own. — 00:17:42

00:18:05 — The Great CEO Within

★★ Ali found The Great CEO Within, aimed broadly at tech CEOs, really helpful on how a CEO should use their time and calendar, fire, build a team and a culture, decide and lead; it is next on his re-listening list. — 00:18:11

00:18:38 — The New One Minute Manager

★★ Ali says the tiny book The New One Minute Manager boils managing down to one-minute goals, one-minute praisings and one-minute redirects; he knew nothing about managing before reading it. — 00:18:40
★★ Ali says he still sucks at managing and is trying to do less of it as the business grows, so he can focus on content while team members such as Angus handle team management. — 00:18:40 · Angus

00:19:13 — The Four Obsessions of an Extraordinary Executive

★★ Patrick Lencioni (quoted): Patrick Lencioni's The Four Obsessions of an Extraordinary Executive, a leadership fable, says a good team leader has only four things to do, mostly giving people clarity on what is expected of them and over-communicating it. — 00:19:39
★★★ One of Ali's main lessons from growing his business over the past year is that so many problems stem from a lack of clarity and communication: the more you over-communicate where the business is going and its values, the more things align. — 00:19:39
★★ After six months of feeling all over the place running the business, Ali says that with these books applied and the right team around him his personal life is much more chill and happy. — 00:20:22

00:20:30 — Sponsor read for Brilliant

★★ Ali read little fiction in 2021: with no commuting during the lockdowns he listened to no fiction audiobooks except a re-listen of Brandon Sanderson's Mistborn series. — 00:21:49 · Mistborn, Brandon Sanderson

00:21:58 — Little fiction this year: Mistborn and the Stormlight Archive by Brandon Sanderson; sign-off

★★ Ali recommends The Final Empire, the first Mistborn book, as an audiobook, since it is quite thick. — 00:22:19 · Mistborn
★★ Brandon Sanderson is Ali's favourite author of all time, and he tells anyone interested in dabbling in fiction to try Mistborn, which he likens to Avatar: The Last Airbender on steroids. — 00:22:19 · Brandon Sanderson, Mistborn
★ Ali finished listening to Rhythm of War, the fourth Stormlight Archive book, and plans to reread the series. — 00:22:19 · The Stormlight Archive
★★ Ali says he usually reads between about 80 and 120 books a year. — 00:22:48

In the description and comments

★★ Ali reads everything on Kindle or listens to the audiobook, and gets the physical books only to hold up in his videos. — creator comment · Kindle
★★ Ali Abdaal (channel): Asked how a generalist finds their one true passion, the channel says there is no such thing as one true passion: embrace being a generalist and enjoying multiple things. — creator comment
★★ Ali Abdaal (channel): Asked which US brokerage to use for index fund investing, the channel recommends Vanguard. — creator comment · United States
★★ Ali Abdaal (channel): Asked for ideas on systemising a business, the channel recommends The E-Myth Revisited. — creator comment · The E-Myth
★★ Ali Abdaal (channel): Asked about giving money to adult children, the channel says it is fine not to give money to your kids and to give it to charity instead, but Die With Zero's point is to do so well before you die. — creator comment

Threads in this video

kept · Ali promises a video on his favourite books of 2021 (2022) — Ali rounds up 15 books he read in 2021 that had an impact on him: ten on his personal life, from dating and relationships to mindset and productivity, and five on his business. (00:00:00)
milestone · Ali's interview podcast with entrepreneurs and creators (2021) — Ali is interviewing Oliver Burkeman, author of Four Thousand Weeks, on his Deep Dive podcast. (00:00:58)
restate · How do you find a partner? — Mark Manson's Models, from his time as a dating coach for men, teaches attracting women through honesty: become the sort of person a good person would be attracted to, by working on yourself and being authentic, open and vulnerable. (00:03:53)
shift · How do you find a partner? — Ali says that in the past he felt he had to change himself on dates and in relationships into a caricature of an alpha male; he has come round to being his authentic, open, vulnerable and honest self as by far the better approach. (00:04:22)
restate · How do you find a partner? — Ali recommends Mark Manson's Models to men looking for a life partner; for anyone else he finds it still interesting. (00:04:46)
refine · How do you find a partner? — Ali says How to Not Die Alone single-handedly transformed his love life and changed the way he approaches dating and relationships. (00:13:32)
first on record · How do you negotiate? — In Never Split the Difference, former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss treats many conversations in life as negotiations and says the best way to negotiate is to recognise that people decide emotionally rather than logically, and appeal to their emotions. (00:05:15)
refine · How do you negotiate? — Never Split the Difference teaches counterintuitive negotiating tactics such as mirroring and calculated empathy, and getting people to say no rather than yes, because it makes them feel more comfortable. (00:05:45)
restate · Should you save or spend when you are young? — Since money has no benefit once you are dead, Die With Zero argues against making loads of money and waiting until retirement, when our bodies are breaking down, to spend and enjoy it: enjoy life as you go. (00:07:12)
refine · Should you save or spend when you are young? — Ali likes Die With Zero's message of journey before destination: saving for a rainy day, investing and working hard for later rewards have value, but must be balanced with enjoying ourselves now. (00:07:41)
restate · Should you save or spend when you are young? — Ali learned from Die With Zero to be more okay with enjoying life with friends and family, rather than feeling he must work at 120 miles per hour every day to make even more money. (00:09:09)
first on record · When should you give money to your children? — Die With Zero's chapter on children says to give them money while you are alive and they are in their 20s or 30s, when they can use it for a house deposit or a first car, rather than as an inheritance in their 50s or 60s. (00:08:11)
restate · Should you give part of your income to charity? — Die With Zero says to give to charity now, since charities need the money now and people are dying who could benefit, rather than deciding to donate on your deathbed. (00:08:40)
restate · How do you become happier? — Happy Sexy Millionaire says never to trade your happiness for a career, money, external validation, popularity or status: the ultimate goal is happiness. (00:10:37)
restate · How should you plan your week? — Thinking of time as 112 chips has helped Ali be a little more intentional with how he spends his time. (00:11:06)
restate · Do you need motivation or discipline to get things done? — David Goggins's memoir Can't Hurt Me says we can achieve anything if we want it enough: the more we push through and embrace pain, the more likely we are to succeed. (00:12:04)
tension · Do you need motivation or discipline to get things done? — Ali does not quite agree with Can't Hurt Me's message of suffering now: he is less about the suffering narrative and, by his own account, kind of soft, though he found the book really inspiring. (00:12:04)
restate · How do you learn how to start and run a business? — Despite its clickbaity title, Ali calls The Millionaire Fastlane probably the best book he has read on growing wealth and getting rich by building a business. (00:14:02)
refine · How do you learn how to start and run a business? — Ali recommends Traction to anyone he knows whose business has more than about three employees or team members, because he thinks it will transform how they think about it. (00:16:14)
restate · How do you learn how to start and run a business? — Asked for ideas on systemising a business, the channel recommends The E-Myth Revisited. (creator comment)
restate · How do you reach financial freedom? — In The Millionaire Fastlane, MJ DeMarco contrasts the slow lane to wealth (college, a good job, saving, a house and stocks, rich at 65) with the fast lane: a business that works for you, which can make you quite rich within five to ten years. (00:14:31)
milestone · Ali builds a team for his online business — Ali and his team came across Gino Wickman's Traction about six months earlier, and it has completely changed the game for their business. (00:14:31)
looked back · Ali builds a team for his online business — A year earlier Ali's team had three and a half members, with Elizabeth part-time; small enough to get things done despite the chaos, but once they hired more people they found they did not know how to run a business. (00:15:00)
restate · Should you pay for courses and coaching? — Ali's business works with one of Traction's official coaches, who charges about $2,500 a day and offers a money-back guarantee; Ali calls the coaching really good. (00:15:45)
restate · How many hours a day should you work? — It Doesn't Have to Be Crazy at Work, by Basecamp's Jason Fried and David Heinemeier Hansson, says your business is not your life: hustling and stupid hours are nonsense, and you can do a lot of good work in 40 hours a week rather than 80. (00:16:44)
restate · How big should you grow your business? — Ali wants his business to be less about metrics, targets, KPIs and growing every year, and more about building a cool lifestyle and helping people while being profitable and having fun. (00:17:13)
first on record · How do you lead a team? — Ali's business tries a middle ground between Traction's hierarchical, systematic approach, which helps with accountability and clarity for team members, and remembering that it is just a job, nobody's life except perhaps his own. (00:17:42)
refine · How do you lead a team? — One of Ali's main lessons from growing his business over the past year is that so many problems stem from a lack of clarity and communication: the more you over-communicate where the business is going and its values, the more things align. (00:19:39)
restate · Should you read on a Kindle, on paper or by audiobook? — Ali recommends The Final Empire, the first Mistborn book, as an audiobook, since it is quite thick. (00:22:19)
restate · Is reading fiction worthwhile? — Brandon Sanderson is Ali's favourite author of all time, and he tells anyone interested in dabbling in fiction to try Mistborn, which he likens to Avatar: The Last Airbender on steroids. (00:22:19)
restate · Should you follow your passion when choosing work? — Asked how a generalist finds their one true passion, the channel says there is no such thing as one true passion: embrace being a generalist and enjoying multiple things. (creator comment)
restate · How should you start investing? — Asked which US brokerage to use for index fund investing, the channel recommends Vanguard. (creator comment)
progress update · Ali promises to keep recommending fantasy audiobooks on the channel (2020) — Ali recommends The Final Empire, the first Mistborn book, as an audiobook, since it is quite thick. (00:22:19)

Where the stories that moved here went next

Ali promises to keep recommending fantasy audiobooks on the channel (2020) — open (updates through 2023, not reported done); last: progress update, 2023-12-15
Ali promises a video on his favourite books of 2021 (2022) — kept
Ali's interview podcast with entrepreneurs and creators (2021) — running; last: milestone, 2023-10-27
Ali builds a team for his online business — running; last: milestone, 2023-12-08

Mentioned

Central: Can't Hurt Me · Die With Zero · Educated · Four Thousand Weeks · Happy Sexy Millionaire · How to Not Die Alone · It Doesn't Have to Be Crazy at Work · Models · Never Split the Difference · The Four Obsessions of an Extraordinary Executive · The Great CEO Within · The Millionaire Fastlane · The One Minute Manager · Traction · Unconditional Parenting

Also: People: Alfie Kohn · Angus · Bill Perkins · Brandon Sanderson · Chris Voss · David Goggins · David Heinemeier Hansson · Elizabeth · Gino Wickman · Jason Fried · Mark Manson · MJ DeMarco · Oliver Burkeman · Patrick Lencioni · Steven Bartlett · Tara Westover · Will Smith

Projects: Book Club · Deep Dive

Works: Avatar: The Last Airbender · Dragons' Den · Mistborn · Rhythm of War · The Final Empire · The Stormlight Archive · The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck · The Way of Kings

Organizations: Basecamp

Concepts: 112 chips · journey before destination · life energy · money-back guarantee · time management

Places: United States

Products: Audible

Only in the description or credits: Kindle · The E-Myth · Vanguard

Also centred on Die With Zero: You’re Saving for a Life You’ll Never Live · The 4 Best Books About Money - Part 2 📚

Also centred on Four Thousand Weeks: Life Is 4,000 Weeks. You’re Already Burning Through Them. · How I Manage My Time - The System That Changed My Life

Also centred on How to Not Die Alone: This Book Changed my Love Life · 8 Evidence-Based Tips that Helped Me Find Love · 4 Books You Should Read in 2023

Also centred on It Doesn't Have to Be Crazy at Work: The Best Book to Read About Running a Business 📈

Also centred on The Millionaire Fastlane: The Best Book I've Ever Read about Making Money · How to Invest as a Teenager · What happened to these two brothers? #shorts · 4 Books You Should Read in 2023 · The 4 Best Books About Money - Part 3 📚

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