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How Stoicism Made Me Happier

2020-09-25 · Long video (solo, talking head or whiteboard) · Ali, Sam · recording, 17:03 · watch on YouTube

Topic: Mindset, motivation and happiness · mode: Conversation and interview · tags: Lesson from a book, His medical past

Ali and his Cambridge friend Sam, the Stoic Teacher, talk through five quotes from Epictetus and Seneca (the dichotomy of control, judgements rather than events, suffering more in imagination, training before a crisis, acceptance); Ali applies them to YouTube analytics and goals, Sam to his weight loss.

What is said

The parts of the video and what is said in each (★ — how much it matters to the video).

00:00:00 — Ali introduces Sam, the Stoic Teacher, and their new Skillshare class on Stoicism

  • ★★★ Ali and his friend Sam have just released a Skillshare class on Stoicism, How to Be Happier – A Stoicism Masterclass, on its five fundamental principles and five domains where they applied them. — 00:00:00 · stoicism
  • ★ Sam, the Stoic Teacher, is a philosophy and theology graduate from Cambridge, where he met Ali, and teaches philosophy and religious studies in South London. — 00:00:00 · Cambridge

00:00:45 — Quote one: some things are within our control, some are not; the IKEA principle, YouTube analytics, Sam's weight loss

  • ★★ Ali calls the dichotomy of control, that some things are within our control and some are not, the main idea of Stoicism, related to the serenity prayer he often thinks about. — 00:00:58 · stoicism

  • ★★ Sam's "IKEA principle": jostled by shoppers in IKEA, he recalled Epictetus; focusing on what is outside his control makes him unhappy, focusing on what he is doing brings tranquility. — 00:01:27

    “I like to call this one the IKEA principle on my page.”

  • ★★ Whenever Ali catches himself spiralling over a video's weak analytics, he thinks of Epictetus's quote that some things are within our control and some are not. — 00:02:17

  • ★★ On YouTube, Ali says, only putting out videos is within his and his team's control (they aim for two or three a week); how people respond is completely outside it. — 00:02:17
  • ★★★ Ali dislikes numerical goals such as a million subscribers by a set date: they rely on things outside our control and are a recipe for unhappiness. — 00:02:57
  • ★★ Sam found Stoicism at a low point, weighing over 322 pounds; it let him focus on what he could do instead of worrying about people's comments, driving his weight loss. — 00:02:57 · stoicism
  • ★★ Sam has lost over 140 pounds over the last three years. — 00:03:46

00:04:00 — Quote two: not events but our judgements disturb us; the birthday party, the bar, stimulus and response, proto-passions and anger

  • ★★★ Ali explains Epictetus's second quote: we think external events cause our negative emotions, but Stoicism says it is the story we tell ourselves about the event. — 00:04:12 · stoicism
  • ★★ Ali's example: not being invited to a close friend's birthday party feels terrible until you learn the party was cancelled after a death; the event stands, but the changed story lifts the load. — 00:04:41
  • ★★ Sam says Ali's birthday example shows we choose how we respond, a hack that applies across the board once you see you can change how you think about something. — 00:05:09
  • ★ Sam retells how Matt Van Natta (as heard) of the Good Fortune podcast, annoyed by a noisy group in a bar, stopped minding once the bartender said they were celebrating an engagement. — 00:05:38
  • ★★ Ali likes the idea that between stimulus and response there is a gap in which we choose our response; in Stoicism only our thoughts and actions are within our control. — 00:06:06 · stoicism
  • ★★ Sam adds that the Stoics allow an involuntary first response, proto-passions, such as a start at a loud noise, after which we can reason about the story we tell ourselves. — 00:06:50 · stoicism
  • ★★ Ali says little can be done about the first flash of anger, but any sustained anger after it rests entirely on the story we tell ourselves. — 00:07:19

00:08:08 — Quote three: we suffer more in imagination than in reality; exposure, seek discomfort, the coffee challenge, voluntary discomfort

  • ★★ Sam: At over 322 pounds Sam constantly overthought how people saw him, which made him anxious and unhappy and led to emotional overeating that sped up his weight gain. — 00:08:41
  • ★★ Sam says Seneca's idea has been applied in modern cognitive behavioural therapy; Donald Robertson, an author on Stoicism and a CBT therapist, likened it to exposure therapy in Sam's interview. — 00:09:10
  • ★★ Sam: From Seneca's quote Sam draws the advice to put ourselves into difficult situations, because once in them we may realise they are not so bad. — 00:09:40
  • ★★ Ali calls the Yes Theory YouTube channel amazing; its mantra, seek discomfort, holds that stepping outside our comfort zone shows life is much better and not so bad. — 00:09:40
  • ★★ Ali describes his friend Noah Kagan's coffee challenge, which he thinks Tim Ferriss also references in a book: when ordering coffee, ask for 10% off and see what happens. (hedged) — 00:09:40 · Tim Ferriss
  • ★★ Ali has never brought himself to ask for 10% off; even imagining it makes him sweat, which he calls the perfect illustration that we suffer more in imagination than in reality. — 00:10:21
  • ★★★ Many people message Ali worried about starting a YouTube channel; he calls starting one life-changing, and says suffering in imagination without trying holds us back from living our best lives. — 00:10:52
  • ★★ Sam says the Stoics taught voluntary discomfort 2,000 years ago: deliberately take on hardships such as a cold shower or sleeping on a hard surface, to be ready for difficult situations. — 00:11:21 · stoicism

00:11:47 — Quote four: train him before the crisis comes; simulation in medicine, premeditating adversity, a breakup

  • ★★ Ali links Seneca's quote to medicine: there are so many simulation classes because people must be trained for a cardiac arrest before it happens, not during the emergency. — 00:11:47
  • ★★★ Ali explains the Stoic practice of premeditating adversity: prepare yourself for worst-case scenarios so you are ready when they come and feel more gratitude. — 00:12:17 · stoicism
  • ★★ Ali cites Epictetus's advice to remind yourself, when kissing your wife or daughter goodnight, that they might die overnight: not morbid, he says, but a reminder to enjoy the time and ignore trivial things. — 00:12:17
  • ★★ Sam says a Stoic would still be upset by a breakup, but having premeditated that it could happen, would deal with it better and protect their tranquility. — 00:13:33

00:14:25 — Quote five: call solitude tranquility and a crowd a festival; acceptance

  • ★★★ Sam reads Epictetus's fifth quote as about acceptance: when something happens you can accept it or resent it, and the path of acceptance leads to happiness. — 00:14:54
  • ★★ Sam cites Epictetus on going to the crowded Games expecting to be jostled: expecting calm in a noisy place sets you up for unhappiness, so prepare yourself. — 00:14:54
  • ★★ Sam advises reframing time alone as time for tranquility, reflection or productive work; once you accept a situation you can move forward constructively. — 00:15:33
  • ★★ Ali finds it amazing that the Stoics wrote this 2,000 years ago and it still forms the bedrock of most modern productivity and life advice. — 00:15:33 · stoicism

00:16:02 — Plugs for the Skillshare class and Sam's channel

In the description and comments

  • ★★ Over 12 lessons, How to Be Happier – A Stoicism Masterclass explores the key themes of Stoicism and how to apply its principles to live happier and healthier lives. — video description · stoicism

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Mentioned

Central: dichotomy of control · Epictetus · How to Be Happier - A Stoicism Masterclass · Sam · stoicism

Also: People: Donald Robertson · Joe Rogan · Matt Van Natta · Noah Kagan · Seneca · Tim Ferriss

Organizations: IKEA · Yes Theory

Concepts: coffee challenge · premeditating adversity · voluntary discomfort

Places: Cambridge

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